Here are the summations of conversations with two potential clients. The first was with a widow who lives alone. She said ‘Dorothy, I sit in this apartment all day and have so many thoughts. Sometimes I think I’ll just burst. I’d never intrude in my son’s or daughter’s lives. I realize they have their own families and careers. They have their own concerns and financial responsibilities. It would be so wonderful just to hear the words: don’t worry mom. We’ll take care of you or you can come live with us.’

My other conversation was with a "baby boomer" named Jon. Jon called to meet with me to discuss Long-Term Care insurance for himself and his wife.

Two years ago Jon’s mom and dad were considering the purchase of Long-Term Care insurance. They were both in good health. They discussed the idea with Jon. Jon told mom and dad not to buy Long-Term Care insurance. He told them that if anything happens "I’ll take care of you." Six months later mom had a heart attack and died. Dad did alright by himself until he had a couple of strokes.

Dad moved in with Jon and his family and they took care of dad as promised--for two months. The caregiving became emotionally and physically draining. Dad has now been in an assisted living facility for about a year. Jon sees dad’s "nest egg" disappearing at $3200 per month. In a couple of years the nest egg will be gone. Had Jon’s dad purchased Long-Term Care insurance he may have been able to have stayed in his own home and received care there. Or he could have received the necessary care while living in Jon’s home.

What makes Jon so sad is the fact that he broke his promise. He told dad "I’ll take care of you" and he couldn’t. When an adult child makes such a statement the questions to be asked are: does that mean you’ll write the checks for $3200 per month to a facility or caregiver? or does that mean you’ll change my diapers, give me a shower, and feed me? Some promises were not meant to be kept.

As parents we want to hear the words "I’ll take care of you." At the same time we want to make absolutely certain that it does not happen. Personal responsibility once again becomes the name of the game. Just as we don’t want our children to be responsible for us we don’t want to depend on our government to take care of us.

The reason the government is giving tax incentives for Long-Term Care services and insurance is because it wants to privatize Long-Term Care. Our government wants the general public to take on this responsibility. How can we address this risk? If we are poor we can’t afford to buy the coverage. We may qualify for Medicaid. If we are rich then the need for coverage is primarily for asset preservation. It is the majority of us who are in the middle who have the most to lose. The cost of Long-Term Care is a major threat to our well being or that of a spouse.

Realistically, however admirable the intentions, most of us are not in the position to care for our parents, nor do we expect to depend on our children to take care of us. The ideal of the extended family taking care of one another just doesn’t seem to work. Families are separated geographically. More women who have traditionally born the burden of providing care are now in the work force. Those of us who need care are living longer though not necessarily healthier lives. The truth is we want our families to care about us--not for us.

Some of the major concerns of the aging American public are healthcare, Social Security, and Long-Term Care. The area in which we have the most options and control is Long-Term Care. What have you done about it?

The 3 myths of Long-Term Care are:

It will never happen to me – It happened to Superman.
My family will take care of me – Be realistic, ask all the questions.
Medicare will cover me – Medicare only covers SKILLED Care and for a very limited number of days.
Where families are concerned, some subjects are easier to read about than to discuss. With this in mind please feel free to share this article.