Family Dynamics During the Holidays

FAMILY DYNAMICS DURING THE HOLIDAYS

Posted: November 19, 2008 1:03 PM ET

In Alzheimer's/Dementia, baby boomers learn of specialized services for family members living with Alzheimer's Disease.

Lisa Ewald Alzheimer's Assn. Greater Michigan Chapter 
Lisa Ewald
Alzheimer's Assn.
Greater Michigan Chapter

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(50PlusPrime) SOUTHFIELD, MICHIGAN --

For many, the holiday season is filled with joy, laughter, and family gatherings.

By Stefanie Sinks, LMSW
Counselor/Care Manager
If you are caring for an individual with Alzheimer’s disease or related dementia, however, the holidays can be a source of stress, anxiety, and depression. This is especially true when family dynamics, swept under the carpet during the rest of the year, surface in full force. Often, relationships become more strained due to a disparity in caregiving responsibilities. Careers, personal commitments,and family members living out-of-state frequently contribute to a caregiver’s feelings of animosity. Problems occur when “the sibling who lives far away doesn’t appreciate the challenges…they think mom or dad is doing better than the other sibling believes," states Elizabeth Edgerly of the Northern California and Northern Nevada Chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association. This, in addition to the confusion of roles and responsibilities, often intensifies anxiety and resentment.

Throughout our lives we assume various responsibilities depending upon our role. For example, one may assume the role of father, daughter, or brother, positions that will remain consistent throughout one’s lifetime. Yet, traditional roles and responsibilities change and are challenged in the face of Alzheimer’s. Inevitably, caring for a person with dementia will result in a significant increase in caregiver responsibilities. This, in turn, often leads to role confusion for you, the caregiver, as well as for the person with dementia. Who am I to this person? I am his daughter, yet my responsibilities are similar to those of a parent to a child. I am her husband, yet she does not recognize me as such and thinks I am her father.

Many families experience a growth in their relationships, while others experience a heightened sense of conflict and resentment. To better cope with family dynamics, we must understand that dynamics result from the impact of the dementia on the family unit. As difficult as it may be, acceptance will make the daily challenges easier. You can neither change the disease nor can you change family members who remove themselves from caregiving responsibilities.

You can, however, change the expectations you place on yourself and others. Keep family members informed of your loved ones’ medical and cognitive status. Remind yourself that you are accountable to yourself and to the person with dementia. There is no room for protest if you believe you are doing the best you can to care for your loved one. Take time for yourself, and never hesitate to call the Alzheimer’s Association for assistance, guidance, or to vent your frustrations, at (800) 272-3900.


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