What does this mean for relationships?  It is a complex issue! 

Footballaholism, as we call it, is just one of many ways that many men distance from intimate relationships.  It is a comfortable place…in front of the TV and spaced out! 

He said: I’ve been waiting for this since last winter!  This is the most exciting time of the year!  Please don’t start your nagging, or get out your “honey do” lists.

She said:  At this time of year, I feel single again.  Somehow I can’t compete with football.  Isn’t it wrong for someone to be perched in front of the TV for 12 hours every weekend watching football?  If he really loved me, he wouldn’t do it.

The facts are: he really does love you, but he loves football more!  Why?  Football doesn’t make demands, it doesn’t criticize, it doesn’t have the potential to make him feel bad about himself.  All of these things are highly probable in a relationship.   People make demands upon each other, people criticize each other, people get mad at each other.  Women generally deal with these things differently than men.  Men commonly have two reactions to these hard relational issues: they get mad at them or they withdraw from them.  Football is an accepted way for men to withdraw in our society.  Women’s reactions to these difficult issues are generally to nag about them, to criticize them, or to insist that they are “right.” 

So what is the answer?  Women, don’t take it personally.  Try to understand that men need this relational time out—not because they don’t love you, but because relationships are really hard for them.  Men, let her know that you love her even if you are perched in front of the TV.  They key words are: moments of connection amidst the games!  Take time for a kiss, a hug, a private joke—anything that connects you and reminds you that you love and care about each other.  Accept the truth—football season isn’t going to go away!  Demand the love you need—it’s what keeps you both afloat in your lives together.

To learn more about Paul and Ellen Chute, visit their website at www.ellenandpaul.com.