I suggest men can be taught to work from a ‘joy based’ (PASSION) focus, rather than our more traditional and current ‘fear based’ or survival expectation. 

We have been out of the ‘cave man’ economy for some time now, but tell that to a traditional male working on making his ‘man cave’ (again, humor here please!).  Men’s issues could be a ‘hidden opportunity’ to charge the individual with becoming educated to a ‘whole mind-body appreciation’ approach to himself, rather than only fearing disease/survival.  This is a pro-active approach rather than simply fearing the worst and surviving ‘one day at a time’… “an ounce of prevention versus a pound of cure”???  Isn’t this what many women have already learned and have been practicing for a few decades!?!

An important perspective I suggest to consider in working with ‘men’ in general, is to remember that many/most American individuals were raised in a ‘fear based’ or ‘victim’ role and often do not know their options, or even what might make them ‘happy’.  Most often they’ve been too busy surviving/reacting/ learning the tasks of being a ‘real man’ (as defined by society or their peers).  This is very different than my new understanding that childhood could be learning about themselves and their environment(s), and then enjoying their lives as an exciting and passionate ‘adventure’.  Men, like most ‘survivors’ of any abuse will first need to be taught that they have ‘free will’ and how to effectively make choices… after they feel ‘safe’.   I suggest this ‘safety’ needs to be both external and internal before the next steps can be attempted.

Finally, I suggested an ‘addendum’ or additional thought for consideration of men’s issues – sexuality and sensuality (again, humor here please!).  I suggest ‘sex’ is a powerful ‘tool’ which incorporates all the senses.  Perhaps, men could learn to use it for more than simply ‘proving a man’s masculinity’ over and over, again?!?  For example we now know that ‘rape’ and ‘domestic violence’ are about ‘power and control’ issues, and not simply about sex!  And, sex has the capacity to become a powerful addiction (with the Internet raising that potential significantly for many unsuspecting individuals, including those who do not know about ‘limits’).  Perhaps, as women have been suggesting/urging for some time, sex could be about more than simply ‘genital-to-genital activity’???  Going beyond the merely physical release of sex, would require communication by the involved individuals to decide what this particular activity is hoping to accomplish/satisfy (again, humor here please, as this would require men to think about what they are doing and actually communicating with their partners).

In conclusion, an important part of any ‘healing work’ (from all abusive, neglectful or dysfunctional relationships) is taking the time to develop new perspective(s) where people can negotiate ‘win – win’ strategies.  John Naisbitt in his 1985 book “Re-Inventing The Corporation” talks about teaching people to live healthy lifestyles.  “Our lifestyles, not some strange diseases, are killing us. When our habits make us sick and kill us, our companies pick up the bill.  It’s as simple as that.”  I would suggest this might apply to men’s personal lives and their families as well (possibly including their sexuality where all agree it may be appropriate)… negotiated ‘boundaries’ and shared healthy and happy outcomes!?!  This is what I would suggest are ‘passionate lives’ for all people, including women and also men!?!