The boys were ushered into the gym and shown the movie, and then the girls were shown it separately... without any discussions allowed ‘between the sexes’ or anyone else.  It was like a right of passage and we could hardly wait for our turn. 

That year the administration decided we were too young and innocent, and decided to move it up to the high school.  A couple of years later, they realized we were already sexually active, moved it back to the junior high level, and so we never got to see it.  Our high school biology class had one page on human reproduction in its textbook, and that one page turned out to be my public education on sexuality!?! 

My parents did buy me a paperback book on sexuality for Christmas one year, which was never mentioned.  Incidentally, I learned most of my sex education from reading Alfred Kinsey’s research textbook on his study of sexuality in the human male which was kept in our living room bookcase, where I’d sneak to read it when no one was home, hoping not to be caught.  T

alk about a dry way to learn about this most exciting topic, but the charts and summaries did give me facts on the broad range of ‘behaviors demonstrated by human males’!  When I worked in our public library I had the opportunity to look at the few books on sexuality that were kept behind the desk (marked for adults only), again when no one might see me. Without being discussed everyone knew sex was taboo... back then (and, perhaps, still too often now)!?!

It was a few years later that I read the newly discovered fact that all women were capable of having orgasms - a startling revelation, since up to that time it was ‘common knowledge’ that women who had orgasms were believed to be either prostitutes or nymphomaniacs.  This was the 1960’s, not the 18th century!  Going to Michigan State University I enrolled in one of the country’s first general education courses on sexuality, with 1,200 students attending weekly lectures by nationally known speakers (with a ‘lab’ each week to discuss the presented topic).  This was HUGE back then!

A few years later it was also discovered that women could be ‘visually aroused’ by photos of men, something which was believed not to happen to women for unknown genetic reasons!?!  It was about this time that magazines with photos of men began to appear...  Apparently they never bothered to ask women about this, just as boys and girls were not allowed to talk about THE movie - Laugh Out Loud - LOL (and this expression didn’t exist back then, either).  How times have changed!?!  Certain topics were and are still not considered appropriate for polite and/or mixed company!?!

I mention this to build a context into which to introduce the topic of sexuality as a potential and proposed issue of MANY men.  Since those earlier years we have had many articles and books with ‘explicit details’ of what each sex is supposed to universally desire, but as people like the infamous Dr. Ruth stated, these were only dealing with the plumbing and not much more.

In the 1980’s - ’90’s I was privileged to serve on four AIDS disease speakers’ bureaus (both for professional and public audiences).  This included having to present to boards of education so they might preview what was going to be said to their students and teachers, for the stated fear of upsetting concerned parents!  I was also invited to talk to high school classes and hospital administrations about AIDS as an ‘excuse’ to present the still taboo topic of homosexuality (‘in case someone might ask about Gays’... as they were sure would happen). 

And, this had to be dealt with on a professional level only, as the school and hospital officials were sure it would upset their administrations (because of virtually guaranteed parent and public complaints).  In contrast, one group of students had armed themselves with their school conduct rules and decided to produce their own video (using a local cable TV studio and video equipment), since student projects were exempt from school censorship, and I was invited back to present a second time so it could be preserved and shown to future students by this student group... I continue to read how upsetting the topic of sexuality is when suggested it be shared with students (who are becoming ‘young adults’!?!), usually with the argument that it is ‘best left to the family to address this important, personal and private topic’, knowing families seldom discuss it and even less from an educated and age appropriate level.  Perhaps, the term ‘fear based’ might apply - LOL or sigh!?!

More recently I was asked to present a three hour workshop on men’s issues to a group of mental health professionals.  After the topic material was covered, I suggested an ‘addendum’ or additional thought for consideration on men’s issues – sexuality and sensuality (with a Power Point slide suggesting the individuals in the audience might add their own joke at the time).  There was a sudden change in the room’s atmosphere, as if a brick wall were erected, and more than one follow-up evaluation gave high regards to the workshop, ‘except for that last section’ which they urged I drop from future use!?!  

These were people who the public turned to with personal issues and concerns, including sex!?!  I had suggested ‘sex’ is a powerful ‘tool’ which incorporates all the senses.  Like the atom when properly harnessed, I proposed, it could power whole cities (atomic power plants), or if not properly controlled could also destroy those same cities (atomic bombs).  Perhaps, men could learn to use sex for more than simply ‘proving a man’s masculinity’ over and over, again, or simple self-gratification?!? 

Such behaviors no longer need to be simply explained away as ‘boys will be boys’???  For example, most professionals now agree that ‘rape’ and ‘domestic violence’ are about ‘power and control’ issues, and not simply about sex!  Sex is simply another battle field in which to attempt to address unresolved conflicts.  Perhaps, the battle of the sexes has heated up and become more of a war of the sexes?!?  Could it not also become a joy to be shared through healthy negotiation, too???  And, sex has the capacity to become a powerful addiction (with the Internet raising that potential significantly for many unsuspecting individuals, including those who do not know about ‘limits’ or boundaries). 

Perhaps, as women have been suggesting/urging for some time, sex could be about more than simply ‘genital-to-genital activity’ or plumbing???  Going beyond the merely ‘physical release of sex’, requires communication by the involved individuals to decide what this particular sexual activity is hoping to accomplish and satisfy (again, humor here please, as this would also require men to think about what they are doing, and then actually communicating this with their partners).  Perhaps, this best illustrates how men, indeed, do have ‘issues’ - LOL or sigh!?!

I would also urge, all people (men and women, as well as sub-sets, or ‘communities’ of individuals who see themselves as having unique sets of sexual problems - for example, African-American men ‘on the down-low’), need to look at both the physical and emotional ‘costs’ of their interchange we casually call ‘sex’!  Not only does research continue to show people do not know or consistently use ‘protection’ while engaging in physical sexual activity, we do not adequately look at the emotional costs much, either.  Consider all the varied costs that were incurred with President Clinton debating the technical definition of a ‘sexual relationship’ - impeachment proceedings!  And, the more recent accounting of Mimi Alford telling of her affair with President Kennedy 50 years after she was a 19 year old intern in the White House!?!  How much time, energy and emotional turmoil were involved in such events?!?  Also, what about the possibility of ‘happiness’, too??? 

And, as a society, we are still not discussing what a Bisexual individual does to be safe and happy in America for themselves and others they interact with (they have at least been included in the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender ‘community’, which is progress beyond the years when Gay individuals were labeled as the group that ‘fear not speak its name’)???  I believe we need to get beyond ‘the golden years of sex - after penicillin and before AIDS and Herpes... Like America’s transitions in the banking, economics and the housing industries, we need to look at the impact(s) of our current and rapidly changing sex attitudes on our citizens - ‘parents’ compassionately caring for the present and future welfare of its ‘children’ as it proposes and develops healthy ‘house rules’/boundaries for everyone???

Are we our neighbors, citizens and family members ‘keepers’ and ‘caretakers’, to edit, audit, police their sexual activity, AND to possibly educate and motivate their sexual, social and community behaviors?  Do we have a duty to warn, as well as perhaps the hidden opportunity to educate and motivate our American community and its ‘family’ members (and visitors) to be aware of potential dangers of unhealthy behaviors, including intimate and possibly sexual, as well as possibly inform and invite them to safely try new healthy and enriching habits for everyone’s survival, benefit and perhaps even enhanced happiness - ‘passion’?

Why do men (and anyone) have sex... let us create and consider the almost endless possible combination of ways and means - potentially an ‘amazing adventure’!  I hope you will find the following articles and concepts interesting, helpful and perhaps motivating towards some rewarding discussions...  Comments and feedback are always welcome.