“Everything in my life had changed.” Four years ago Adele was asked by Children’s Protective Services to take custody of her then 4-year old granddaughter, Lena.

Like most relatives faced with this request in a family crisis, she said yes. “I didn’t want Lena to go to Foster Care and there was no one else in the family who could care for her.”  Adele followed the requirements and suggestions from CPS to care for Lena. She did not expect to be so overwhelmed with loneliness.

Adele had been a widow for over ten years. She built a life on friends and comfortable routines. Living alone is very different from loneliness. When Lena came Adele threw herself into the necessary care of the child she loved. But now she was not just grandma, she was also manager of a little girl’s traumatized life. 

Adele’s routines were interrupted, her friends drifted away, and she felt very little supportive help from the institutions that pursued the best interests of the child. It seemed that once the child was in her care, the community services were too busy to do more than require her to follow their agenda for guardianship of Lena.

All of that changed one day when Adele and Lena attended a community health event and found at the Senior Services booth a little flyer about the local Kinship Care group. Adele thought kinship care meant caring for debilitated adults in a family. The picture on the flyer showed grandparents with a child.

Soon Adele found herself at a gathering of other kinship caregivers and their children. The adult group, sharing snacks and listening to a community person tell about resources, brought a whole new strength to Adele. The oppressive loneliness evaporated with the camaraderie of new friends who understood and had suggestions for thriving in this new role. Even Lena seemed to change finding friends that knew how she felt about not living with her parents.

Sadly, local Kinship Care groups are few compared to the need. In spite of the loneliness, Adele and others like her might be surprised to learn that millions of relative caregivers are raising over six million children in this country.

Grandparents and other relatives in this situation should seek out every possible community resource that addresses their specific needs. The local United Way, Community Foundation, schools, churches, Community Action Agency, Senior Center could be a first step.

Checking AARP/grandparents online may connect to a resource nearby, www.aarp.org . Learning about what is happening in Kinship care can be found at the Generations United website, www.gu.org . Getting help from the government can be invaluable, but you have to be a detective and check out various links. Start with the Child Welfare Information Gateway of the Children’s Bureau, www.childwelfare.gov . There are many more sources once new kinship caregivers begin searching. The important thing is to begin.